In a relationship with a bully

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Bullying is associated with schools, but remembers that these playground bullies grow up to become the men and women we fall in love with and marry. There are many spouses in relationships who are victims of outright bullying and control or disguised bullying and intimidations.

How it start:

Signe whitson, the author of the Angry smile, says that bullying usually starts subtly. A bully will first test the waters before he can unleash his actions.” He will start calling you names, or start teasing you in a manner that denigrates your self-esteem. Then he will start getting aggressive, mostly physically, through small acts of aggression such as grabbing, “she says. Once he notices how you react, he will go into stage two where he will start bullying you full throttle. “His primary aim will be to make you feel totally powerless and alone, and that you cannot function or exist outside his fold, “says whitson.


Why it happens:

Some of the most prominent bullies are narcissist and psychopaths. But Professor Ronald Riggio, the author of The Practice of Leadership. Says that spouses could also become bullies to cover up there insecurities or because they are bullied outside the relationship. “Bullies will not only be abusive to their partner, but will also instill fear and intimidation in their children.


Disguised criticism and public shaming:

A bully will not only bully you in private but also belittle criticize, rebuke and put you down in public. He will deny you the freedom or autonomy to gather and express your own points by showing the rest that you’re dumb. For example, he might say, ’you’re doing it so wrong, or, can’t you do anything right, or let me show you how to do it, ’says professor Riggio.


When you’re the bully:

While your man is more likely to be the bully in the relationship, he could also be the victim. A research study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology says that your man will tend to feel bullied and controlled if you have more appealing contributes such as a higher salary .on the flip side, he could feel bullied and controlled if you’re constantly on the phone checking up on where he is, who he is hanging out with, and persuading him not to see certain friends. Pro.Ruggio also says that you will be perpetrating a form of bullying by belittling him in front of your friends,’ we could be far ahead were it not for his stupidity! ‘Or ‘he thinks he’s the king of love making but he is way inadequate!’ or ‘what a toothpick his weenie is!’


What to do:

You will have to stand up to a bully. “You must understand that the longer you give in to a bully e tendencies, the longer the bully will thrive, “say whitson. You must beware of the bully’s reaction once you stand up to him. For example, he could resort to more aggressive forms of bullying or get violent outfight.


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